1 00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:08,660 - PREVIOUSLY ON CALIFORNICATION... 2 00:00:08,690 --> 00:00:10,160 - I WANT TO KILL HIM, HANK. 3 00:00:10,190 --> 00:00:11,730 - I DON'T LIKE IT, NOT ONE BIT. 4 00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:13,630 - HANK, HE'S YOU. - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 5 00:00:13,660 --> 00:00:15,700 THE KID'S A LOATHSOME FUCKING ASSHOLE. 6 00:00:15,730 --> 00:00:17,370 - DID YOU READ HIS SCREENPLAY YET? 7 00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:20,700 - NO, NOT YET. - I'LL NEVER TALK TO YOU AGAIN. 8 00:00:20,740 --> 00:00:23,710 - [groans loudly] - THAT BAD, HUH? 9 00:00:23,740 --> 00:00:25,440 - IT'S THAT GOOD! - REALLY? 10 00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:27,810 - DON'T YOU EVEN FUCKING DARE, AGENT. 11 00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:29,850 - I'M SORRY, CHARLIE. HE JUST FELL ASLEEP. 12 00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:33,420 - GUESS I'LL JUST GO, THEN. - YEAH, YOU SHOULD GO. 13 00:00:36,690 --> 00:00:38,520 - GOD, I'M SO HARD RIGHT NOW! 14 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:40,190 - HOLY SHIT, THEY'RE HOME! 15 00:00:40,220 --> 00:00:42,460 - WHY DOES COUPLES THERAPY GET ME SO WORKED UP? 16 00:00:42,490 --> 00:00:44,330 LET'S DO THE ONE WHERE CHARLIE IS STILL YOUR HUSBAND, 17 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:46,260 BUT HE'S UPSTAIRS IN THE WHEELCHAIR. 18 00:00:46,300 --> 00:00:47,460 - I LIKE THAT ONE! 19 00:00:47,500 --> 00:00:50,470 - AAAH! 20 00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:52,870 HOW MUCH DISRESPECT CAN ONE MAN TAKE? 21 00:00:52,900 --> 00:00:56,270 - HANK MOODY, THIS IS KALI. 22 00:00:56,310 --> 00:00:57,610 THAT FUCKING SCRIPT IS OFF THE CHARTS, HOMEY. 23 00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:59,240 - YOU LIKE IT? - SANTA MONICA COP. 24 00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:01,450 THAT'S MY EDDIE MURPHY MOMENT RIGHT NOW! 25 00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:02,750 - HEY, BATESY! - GREAT TO SEE YOU. 26 00:01:02,780 --> 00:01:04,810 I'M SO GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT. 27 00:01:04,850 --> 00:01:07,620 - LOVING THAT MANGINA. - THAT IS FUCKING LIBERATING. 28 00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:10,190 - I THINK I MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE, YOU KNOW? 29 00:01:10,220 --> 00:01:12,420 - YOU STILL THINKING ABOUT LEAVING HIM? 30 00:01:31,710 --> 00:01:32,880 NO. 31 00:01:32,910 --> 00:01:34,380 - BUT-- - ABSOLUTELY NOT, CHARLIE. 32 00:01:34,410 --> 00:01:36,510 - YEAH, I GET IT-- - NO MEANS NO, YOU KNOW? 33 00:01:36,550 --> 00:01:39,750 - I'M JUST ASKING YOU TO PUT IN A SEMI-DECENT WORD FOR ME. 34 00:01:39,780 --> 00:01:41,490 - THERE'LL BE NO PUTTING OF ANY KIND. 35 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:44,520 AND I AM KINDLY ASKING YOU NOT TO TAKE THIS MEETING. 36 00:01:44,550 --> 00:01:46,220 - BUT IT'S ON THE BOOKS. 37 00:01:46,260 --> 00:01:48,530 - WELL, THEN CANCEL THAT SHIT. - THAT'S ABSURD! 38 00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:50,360 - WHY? YOU HAVE NO PROBLEM CANCELING ON ME 39 00:01:50,390 --> 00:01:52,400 WHEN YOU GOT TO GO GET ONE OF YOUR FUCKING BOILS LANCED. 40 00:01:52,430 --> 00:01:54,860 - THAT WAS TWICE. AND IT'S DIFFERENT. 41 00:01:54,900 --> 00:01:57,500 I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT IMPRESSING YOU ANYMORE. 42 00:01:57,530 --> 00:01:59,340 - EXACTLY. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS IN A RELATIONSHIP. 43 00:01:59,370 --> 00:02:00,700 YOU STOP CARING. 44 00:02:00,740 --> 00:02:02,540 NEXT THING YOU KNOW, THE SEX IS SPORADIC, 45 00:02:02,570 --> 00:02:05,310 THE BLOW JOBS BIANNUAL, AND ASSPLAY IS OUT OF THE QUESTION. 46 00:02:05,340 --> 00:02:07,180 - HEY, WHEN IT COMES TO ME AND YOU HANK, 47 00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:08,510 ASSPLAY IS NEVER OUT OF THE QUESTION. 48 00:02:08,550 --> 00:02:10,210 - OH, EAT A DICK, CHARLIE-- 49 00:02:10,250 --> 00:02:12,320 PREFERABLY STU'S, WITH MUSTARD AND KETCHUP ON IT, 50 00:02:12,350 --> 00:02:13,580 MAYBE SOME WITH MARCY, TOO. 51 00:02:13,620 --> 00:02:14,820 - THIS KID IS BLOWING UP! 52 00:02:14,850 --> 00:02:16,650 EDDIE NERO WANTS TO STAR IN HIS MOVIE. 53 00:02:16,690 --> 00:02:18,560 IN ABOUT FIVE MINUTES, 54 00:02:18,590 --> 00:02:20,590 TYLER'S GOING TO BE THE HOTTEST SCREENWRITER IN THE BUSINESS. 55 00:02:20,620 --> 00:02:22,430 SOMEONE HAS TO REPRESENT HIM. WHY NOT ME? 56 00:02:22,460 --> 00:02:25,700 - BECAUSE YOU'RE MY FUCKING AGENT, CHARLIE. 57 00:02:25,730 --> 00:02:27,400 - I COULD LOSE MY JOB. 58 00:02:27,430 --> 00:02:29,400 - YOU ALREADY MASTURBATED YOURSELF OUT OF A JOB. 59 00:02:29,430 --> 00:02:30,700 AND GUESS WHAT. YOU BOUNCED BACK. 60 00:02:30,730 --> 00:02:32,200 YOU LANDED ON YOUR WEBBED FEET. 61 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:33,370 IF YOU CAN MAKE IT THROUGH THAT SHIT, 62 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:34,370 YOU CAN MAKE IT THROUGH ANYTHING. 63 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:36,240 - THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT! 64 00:02:36,270 --> 00:02:38,640 - NO. I WILL TELL YOU WHAT'S FUCKING BULLSHIT, CHARLIE, 65 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:41,350 IS WHY I HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO MY AGENT AND FRIEND 66 00:02:41,380 --> 00:02:43,910 OF WAY TOO MANY YEARS WHY IT'S ABSURDLY INAPPROPRIATE 67 00:02:43,950 --> 00:02:45,820 TO REPRESENT MY DAUGHTER'S BOYFRIEND AS A CLIENT. 68 00:02:45,850 --> 00:02:49,250 - NO, I-I GET WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. 69 00:02:49,290 --> 00:02:50,990 BUT... 70 00:02:51,020 --> 00:02:52,660 WHY IS IT INAPPROPRIATE EXACTLY? 71 00:02:52,690 --> 00:02:54,520 - BECAUSE IT OFFENDS ME... 72 00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:55,990 ON A DEEPLY PERSONAL LEVEL. 73 00:02:56,030 --> 00:02:58,260 CAN YOU GRASP THAT, SAMMY GLICK? 74 00:02:58,300 --> 00:03:02,330 - [sighs] I GUESS SO. 75 00:03:02,370 --> 00:03:04,330 - GOOD. NOW GIVE ME A HUG AND A KISS. 76 00:03:04,370 --> 00:03:06,270 IT'S MY FIRST DAY OF WORK, AND I'M RUNNING LATE. 77 00:03:06,300 --> 00:03:08,610 - OH, SHIT. THAT'S RIGHT. I FORGOT. 78 00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:10,870 - WAIT. YOU FORGOT? 79 00:03:10,910 --> 00:03:12,740 YOU'RE MY AGENT. YOU'RE THE SAMURAI'S AGENT. 80 00:03:12,780 --> 00:03:14,640 YOU'RE STU'S AGENT, AND YET YOU FORGOT 81 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:16,980 THAT TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF SHOOTING OF SANTA MONICA COP. 82 00:03:17,010 --> 00:03:19,350 THIS IS WHY PEOPLE DON'T LIKE YOU, CHARLIE. 83 00:03:19,380 --> 00:03:20,980 - WHO DOESN'T LIKE ME? 84 00:03:21,020 --> 00:03:22,320 - PEOPLE. 85 00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:28,630 - PEOPLE LOVE ME. 86 00:03:28,660 --> 00:03:31,630 [upbeat music] 87 00:03:31,660 --> 00:03:39,600 * 88 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:16,340 [rap/rock music] 89 00:04:16,370 --> 00:04:24,310 * 90 00:04:27,420 --> 00:04:28,690 [trigger cocks] 91 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:30,920 - YOU'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER GUN. 92 00:04:30,950 --> 00:04:33,820 - NAH, MAN. THAT SHIT AIN'T WORKING, MAN. 93 00:04:33,860 --> 00:04:35,430 IT'S NOT WORKING. 94 00:04:35,460 --> 00:04:37,630 - CUT. IT'S NOT WORKING. 95 00:04:37,660 --> 00:04:39,100 - IT'S NOT WORKING. 96 00:04:39,130 --> 00:04:41,670 HANK, IT'S NOT WORKING. - TAKE THAT, WATERMELON! 97 00:04:43,570 --> 00:04:44,830 OH, I-I'M SORRY. 98 00:04:44,870 --> 00:04:47,670 IT TURNS OUT I AM QUITE THE FRUIT NINJA. 99 00:04:47,700 --> 00:04:50,370 - IT'S FUCKING SHITTY. THE LINE'S NOT WORKING, MOODY. 100 00:04:50,410 --> 00:04:52,080 - I TOLD YOU IT WAS STUPID. YOU CAN'T JUST RIP OFF 101 00:04:52,110 --> 00:04:54,040 ONE OF THE CLASSIC MOVIE LINES OF ALL TIME. 102 00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:55,980 - BUT IT SOUNDED BADASS AT THE TIME, HUH? 103 00:04:56,010 --> 00:04:58,780 - YEAH, BECAUSE WE WERE REALLY HIGH AND WATCHING JAWS. 104 00:04:58,820 --> 00:04:59,980 - I AIN'T FEELING THAT SHIT NO MORE, THOUGH. 105 00:05:00,020 --> 00:05:01,790 - GIVE HIM SOMETHING ELSE, HANK. 106 00:05:01,820 --> 00:05:06,590 - SURE, LET ME REACH INTO MY GRAB BAG OF CLASSIC MOVIE LINES. 107 00:05:06,620 --> 00:05:07,760 OH, NOTHING THERE. HOLD ON. 108 00:05:07,790 --> 00:05:09,760 LET ME CHECK UP MY ASS. 109 00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:13,530 - WHAT THE FUCK WE PAYING HIM FOR? 110 00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:15,430 - HIS SNAPPY FUCKING DIALOGUE. 111 00:05:15,470 --> 00:05:17,570 SORKIN PASSED, BUT HE'S A FAN. 112 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:18,870 - REALLY? THAT'S AWESOME. 113 00:05:18,900 --> 00:05:20,400 - IT AIN'T JUST THE FUCKING LINE, MAN. 114 00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:21,470 IT'S THE WHOLE FUCKING SCENE, MAN. 115 00:05:21,510 --> 00:05:22,840 THAT SHIT IS WEAK. 116 00:05:22,870 --> 00:05:24,570 I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WANT ANYMORE. 117 00:05:24,610 --> 00:05:25,840 - WELL, YOU WANT THE GIRL. 118 00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:28,140 WHO WOULDN'T WANT THAT GIRL? 119 00:05:28,180 --> 00:05:30,010 WHAT'S UP, BABE? 120 00:05:30,050 --> 00:05:32,020 - I WOULD JUST KILL THE MOTHERFUCKER, WOULDN'T I? 121 00:05:32,050 --> 00:05:33,550 - WELL, HE'S YOUR PARTNER, SAM. 122 00:05:33,580 --> 00:05:34,880 - YEAH, BUT HE FUCKED MY GIRL. 123 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:36,820 - BUT YOU LIKE HIM. AND HE MAKES YOU LAUGH. 124 00:05:36,850 --> 00:05:38,420 LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, MAN. 125 00:05:38,460 --> 00:05:40,160 - OH, WHOA, WHOA! - WHOEVER FUCKED MY GIRL-- 126 00:05:40,190 --> 00:05:41,760 BROTHER'S GOING TO BE SUCKING ON THIS. 127 00:05:41,790 --> 00:05:44,690 - YOU KNOW, I THINK THIS IS BRILLIANT, SAM. 128 00:05:44,730 --> 00:05:46,500 BUT THE STUDIO-- THEY'RE NOT GOING TO WANT YOU 129 00:05:46,530 --> 00:05:47,860 KILLING YOUR BEST FRIEND AND PARTNER. 130 00:05:47,900 --> 00:05:49,630 THEY FEEL THAT THAT'S THE KIND OF THING 131 00:05:49,670 --> 00:05:52,570 THAT MAKES YOU REALLY FUCKING UNLIKABLE. 132 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,070 - I TOLD YOU, STU, RIGHT? 133 00:05:54,100 --> 00:05:55,840 DON'T USE THAT FUCKING WORD AROUND ME, MAN. 134 00:05:55,870 --> 00:05:57,740 "UNLIKABLE"? I HATE THAT SHIT. 135 00:05:57,770 --> 00:05:59,780 - BOO-YAH. USING THE WORD "UNLIKABLE" 136 00:05:59,810 --> 00:06:02,780 ACTUALLY MAKES THE USER UNLIKABLE. BONG-BONG. 137 00:06:02,810 --> 00:06:04,710 - WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, HANK, SHUT THE FUCK UP. 138 00:06:04,750 --> 00:06:06,180 - YOU KNOW WHAT? 139 00:06:06,220 --> 00:06:07,950 Y'ALL MOTHERFUCKERS FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT. 140 00:06:07,980 --> 00:06:09,790 ME AND MY BOYS ARE GONNA GO SMOKE SOME FUCKING WEED, 141 00:06:09,820 --> 00:06:11,490 GET MY HEAD STRAIGHT, A'IGHT? - A'IGHT. 142 00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:13,060 - I'LL BE IN THE FUCKING ROOM, MAN. 143 00:06:13,090 --> 00:06:15,590 - SO YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO? - UH, NO. 144 00:06:15,630 --> 00:06:17,490 - JUST REWRITE THE FUCKING SCENE, 145 00:06:17,530 --> 00:06:19,030 MOVE SOME SHIT AROUND, 146 00:06:19,060 --> 00:06:21,570 WRITE A BETTER KILL ZINGER. - AND IF I CAN'T? 147 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:23,770 - WELL, I COULD THROW A ROCK 148 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:26,040 AND FIND ANOTHER WRITER WILLING TO REPLACE YOU 149 00:06:26,070 --> 00:06:29,710 FOR HALF THE MONEY THE STUDIO'S PAYING YOU, HANK. 150 00:06:29,740 --> 00:06:31,510 - I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO. 151 00:06:36,750 --> 00:06:38,620 - WHAT'S WRONG, CHARLIE? 152 00:06:38,650 --> 00:06:40,720 - NOTHING. NOT A THING. 153 00:06:40,750 --> 00:06:43,490 I'M GETTING MY DICK SUCKED ON A BEAUTIFUL DAY 154 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:46,560 BY AN EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL GIRL-- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE WRONG? 155 00:06:46,590 --> 00:06:49,960 - WELL, THERE'S SOMETHING VERY WRONG WITH YOUR PENIS RIGHT NOW. 156 00:06:49,990 --> 00:06:51,830 - THERE ARE A GREAT MANY THINGS WRONG 157 00:06:51,860 --> 00:06:53,830 WITH MY PENIS, DEAR LIZZIE. 158 00:06:53,860 --> 00:06:57,700 - NO, YOU'RE JUST NOT RESPONDING THE WAY YOU NORMALLY DO. 159 00:06:57,730 --> 00:06:59,670 - I THINK I'M PRETTY HARD. 160 00:06:59,700 --> 00:07:02,210 - USUALLY, YOU'RE FORGED OF IRON. 161 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:04,610 - I GUESS I'M A LITTLE PERTURBED 162 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:07,780 BY THIS WHOLE HANK AND TYLER THING. 163 00:07:07,810 --> 00:07:10,810 WHAT IS A SLEAZEBALL AGENT TO DO? 164 00:07:10,850 --> 00:07:12,980 - WELL, I TOLD YOU WHAT I THINK. 165 00:07:13,020 --> 00:07:14,580 - I KNOW. 166 00:07:14,620 --> 00:07:16,720 - SOME THINGS ARE JUST BUSINESS, CHARLIE, 167 00:07:16,750 --> 00:07:19,220 AND SHOULD BE HANDLED AS SUCH. - I KNOW. 168 00:07:19,260 --> 00:07:21,990 BUT I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM SO ADAMANT ABOUT SOMETHING. 169 00:07:22,030 --> 00:07:23,690 HE'S MY BEST FRIEND. 170 00:07:23,730 --> 00:07:25,500 - WELL, DO YOU THINK YOU COULD SERVICE THEM BOTH 171 00:07:25,530 --> 00:07:27,260 WITHOUT CONFLICT? - ABSOLUTELY... 172 00:07:27,300 --> 00:07:29,270 I THINK. 173 00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:31,800 - PERSONALLY, I DON'T THINK IT'S FAIR TO ASK A THING LIKE THAT. 174 00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:33,100 IT'S VERY SELF-SERVING. 175 00:07:33,140 --> 00:07:36,210 - I AGREE. - MM-HMM. 176 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:38,880 I THINK YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO GO WITH YOUR GUT 177 00:07:38,910 --> 00:07:40,610 ON THIS ONE, CHARLIE. 178 00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:42,210 - GO WITH GUT. - MM-HMM. 179 00:07:42,250 --> 00:07:43,780 - GOT IT. 180 00:07:49,990 --> 00:07:51,590 - OH, UM... 181 00:07:51,620 --> 00:07:53,960 HAVE YOU HAD A CHANCE TO TALK TO STUART... 182 00:07:53,990 --> 00:07:55,590 ABOUT SANTA MONICA COP-- 183 00:07:55,630 --> 00:07:57,530 IF THERE'S A PART THAT I COULD READ FOR? 184 00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,100 YOU KNOW, SOMETHING SMALL, OF COURSE. 185 00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:00,900 - NO, BUT I WILL. 186 00:08:00,930 --> 00:08:02,530 - YOU PROMISE? 187 00:08:02,570 --> 00:08:05,230 - I PROMISE. 188 00:08:08,710 --> 00:08:11,680 [energetic music] 189 00:08:11,710 --> 00:08:19,650 * 190 00:08:21,050 --> 00:08:23,290 [knock at door] 191 00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:24,790 - HOLD ON. 192 00:08:28,630 --> 00:08:29,660 [knock at door] 193 00:08:29,690 --> 00:08:32,200 [coughs] FUCK IT. COME ON IN. 194 00:08:32,230 --> 00:08:34,300 - HOW'S IT COMING, HANK? 195 00:08:34,330 --> 00:08:36,330 - JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS, STU. 196 00:08:36,370 --> 00:08:39,940 SHIT'S NOT FLOWING. - COPY THAT. 197 00:08:39,970 --> 00:08:43,210 YOU'VE GOT TO LET THE CASH BE YOUR LAXATIVE, HANK. 198 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:45,140 - HEY, THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD LINE, STU. 199 00:08:45,170 --> 00:08:48,210 I'M SORRY I CAN'T USE IT IN YOUR BIG, SHITTY MOVIE. 200 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:51,210 - WELL, YOU GOT 15 MINUTES, HANK. 201 00:08:51,250 --> 00:08:54,720 MY BIG, SHITTY MOVIE IS LOSING THE LIGHT. 202 00:08:54,750 --> 00:08:56,920 [door opens and closes] 203 00:08:56,950 --> 00:08:58,920 [knock at door] - COME IN. 204 00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:00,820 - CAN YOU DO ME A HUGE FAVOR? 205 00:09:00,860 --> 00:09:04,230 - WHAT'S THAT? - SAVE MY CAREER. 206 00:09:04,260 --> 00:09:05,960 - I'M SORRY. YOU MUST HAVE ME CONFUSED. 207 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:09,130 I-I'M JUST THE WRITER. - AND I'M JUST THE GIRL. 208 00:09:09,170 --> 00:09:10,700 - WELL, AT LEAST YOU'RE THE GIRL. 209 00:09:10,730 --> 00:09:12,300 YOU'RE NOT JUST A GIRL. 210 00:09:12,340 --> 00:09:13,700 - I'M WINDOW DRESSING. 211 00:09:13,740 --> 00:09:15,100 I'M HERE TO SMILE, 212 00:09:15,140 --> 00:09:17,110 GIVE TEENAGE BOYS SOMETHING TO JERK OFF TO, 213 00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:19,240 AND GET SEXUALLY HARASSED BY THE DIRECTOR. 214 00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:22,080 - HE IS KIND OF A SMARMY LITTLE DOUCHE, ISN'T HE? 215 00:09:22,110 --> 00:09:24,850 - MY CHARACTER NEEDS TO GROW SOME BALLS. 216 00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:26,980 SHE'S BASICALLY JUST A DIAL TONE WITH TITS. 217 00:09:27,020 --> 00:09:28,350 - I'LL GET RIGHT ON THAT. 218 00:09:28,380 --> 00:09:29,990 - I'LL SHOW THEM TO YOU. - YOUR TITS? 219 00:09:30,020 --> 00:09:32,190 I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR TITS. - REALLY? 220 00:09:32,220 --> 00:09:33,960 - WELL, THAT'S NOT COMPLETELY TRUE, 221 00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:35,730 BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHOW THEM TO ME. 222 00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:37,690 I MEAN, I MAY BE A SCHMUCK WITH AN UNDERWOOD 223 00:09:37,730 --> 00:09:39,700 BUT I'M NOT A FUCKING SLEAZE MERCHANT. 224 00:09:39,730 --> 00:09:41,770 - LOOK, I KNOW MY BOOBS GOT ME THIS JOB, 225 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:43,800 BUT I'M ACTUALLY A SERIOUS ACTRESS. 226 00:09:43,830 --> 00:09:46,740 I WENT TO JUILLIARD. I'M A FUCKING THEATER GEEK. 227 00:09:46,770 --> 00:09:50,040 I LOVE WORDS. DIALOGUE IS LIKE MUSIC TO ME. 228 00:09:50,070 --> 00:09:53,680 WHATEVER YOU WRITE, I WILL MAKE IT SING. 229 00:09:53,710 --> 00:09:55,880 HELP ME, HANK. [toilet flushes] 230 00:09:55,910 --> 00:09:57,410 YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE. 231 00:09:57,450 --> 00:09:59,820 - ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE COOL, YOU'RE SMART, 232 00:09:59,850 --> 00:10:01,990 AND YOU'RE APPEALING TO MY SUBVERSIVE NOBILITY. 233 00:10:02,020 --> 00:10:05,760 PLUS, IT DOESN'T HURT THAT I'M REALLY FUCKING HIGH RIGHT NOW. 234 00:10:05,790 --> 00:10:07,960 LET'S SEE IF WE CAN'T SNEAK A SMART, COOL CHICK 235 00:10:07,990 --> 00:10:09,960 INTO THIS PIECE OF SHIT. 236 00:10:09,990 --> 00:10:13,430 OH! THAT FEELS RAD. KEEP DOING THAT. 237 00:10:13,460 --> 00:10:15,160 YOU KNOW, I'M GETTING INSPIRED. 238 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:18,330 I FEEL SOME BALLSY BANTER COMING ON. 239 00:10:18,370 --> 00:10:20,170 OH. 240 00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,440 IF YOU KEEP PRESSING THOSE SAVAGE YABBOS INTO MY BACK, 241 00:10:22,470 --> 00:10:24,110 I'M NOT GOING TO GET ANYTHING DONE. 242 00:10:24,140 --> 00:10:26,680 JUST SAYING. 243 00:10:26,710 --> 00:10:29,450 WELL, MAYBE ONE MORE TIME. THEN WE'LL GET STARTED. 244 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:32,120 [groans] 245 00:10:34,780 --> 00:10:36,420 - WHY'D YOU CANCEL ON ME, CHARLIE? 246 00:10:36,450 --> 00:10:39,920 - WELL, I--YOU KNOW, I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS A LOT, TYLER, 247 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:43,190 AND I JUST DON'T FEEL IT WOULD BE APPROPRIATE 248 00:10:43,230 --> 00:10:46,360 TO REPRESENT YOU WHILE I'M REPRESENTING HANK. 249 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:50,000 AND SEEING AS HOW I'M DAMNED TO REPRESENT HANK UNTO ETERNITY-- 250 00:10:50,030 --> 00:10:51,330 - WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. 251 00:10:51,370 --> 00:10:53,270 YOU DON'T THINK IT'S APPROPRIATE, 252 00:10:53,300 --> 00:10:56,010 OR HANK DOESN'T THINK IT'S APPROPRIATE? 253 00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:59,810 - DOES IT MATTER? - NOT TO ME. 254 00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:02,080 I'VE GOT A BUNCH OF MEETINGS LINED UP. 255 00:11:02,110 --> 00:11:04,950 BUT IT WAS REALLY COOL TO MEET YOU, THOUGH, CHARLIE-- 256 00:11:04,980 --> 00:11:08,280 KIND OF A DREAM COME TRUE. - WHY IS THAT? 257 00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:10,090 - WELL, 'CAUSE YOU'RE HANK MOODY'S AGENT. 258 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:11,790 WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO BE REPRESENTED 259 00:11:11,820 --> 00:11:13,760 BY HANK MOODY'S AGENT? FROM WHERE I'M SITTING, 260 00:11:13,790 --> 00:11:15,160 THAT'D BE THE COOLEST FUCKING THING EVER. 261 00:11:15,190 --> 00:11:18,030 - WHO ELSE ARE YOU MEETING WITH? 262 00:11:18,060 --> 00:11:19,160 - ALL THE MAJORS. 263 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:20,900 THERE'S THIS GUY AT C.A.A. 264 00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:23,100 HE'S GOT THIS LITTLE BLACK BOOK FULL OF WHORES. 265 00:11:23,130 --> 00:11:24,270 HE OFFERED TO HOOK ME UP GRATIS. 266 00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:26,140 CAN YOU MATCH THAT? 267 00:11:26,170 --> 00:11:29,110 - I'D LOVE TO, TYLER, BUT THEY WATCH ME LIKE A HAWK HERE. 268 00:11:29,140 --> 00:11:31,980 I SO MUCH AS LOOK AT A NAKED PICTURE ON THE INTERNET, 269 00:11:32,010 --> 00:11:34,780 AND H.R. SWOOPS IN, AND AN ALARM GOES OFF. 270 00:11:34,810 --> 00:11:37,050 IT'S FUCKING TERRIFYING. 271 00:11:38,350 --> 00:11:40,450 - TOTALLY. 272 00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:42,790 WELL, IF THIS ISN'T GOING FURTHER, 273 00:11:42,820 --> 00:11:44,390 THEN I MIGHT AS WELL TAKE OFF. 274 00:11:44,420 --> 00:11:49,060 - WHAT DO YOU SAY YOU AND ME GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, 275 00:11:49,090 --> 00:11:50,360 WE GO GET A DRINK SOMEPLACE? 276 00:11:50,390 --> 00:11:52,960 I COULD GIVE YOU SOME ADVICE 277 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:56,070 ABOUT WHAT TO WATCH OUT FOR OUT THERE. 278 00:11:56,100 --> 00:11:58,200 - SURE, I COULD DRINK. 279 00:11:58,230 --> 00:12:00,870 [lighter clicks] 280 00:12:00,900 --> 00:12:02,410 - THIS IS REALLY GOOD, HANK. 281 00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:04,070 THANK YOU. 282 00:12:04,110 --> 00:12:06,410 I FEEL LIKE I'M IN THIS MOVIE ALL OF A SUDDEN. 283 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:08,410 - MY PLEASURE. I HOPE IT HELPS. 284 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:11,350 GOOD LUCK WITH ALL THE DRESS-UP AND THE MAKE-BELIEVE. 285 00:12:11,380 --> 00:12:14,080 - SEEING HOW GOOD THIS IS MAKES ME THINK OF ALL THE OTHER SCENES 286 00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:16,290 WE COULD DIG INTO TOGETHER. - WHOA, SLOW DOWN THERE. 287 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:18,290 I'M HERE MAINLY TO BURNISH THE SAMURAI'S BANTER. 288 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:19,860 - CAN I SHOW YOU MY TITS? 289 00:12:19,890 --> 00:12:22,130 - I TOLD YOU, YOU DON'T HAVE TO... 290 00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:23,560 NECESSARILY. 291 00:12:23,590 --> 00:12:25,260 - I'M DOING MY FIRST NUDE SCENE THIS WEEK, 292 00:12:25,290 --> 00:12:27,260 AND I'M A LITTLE INSECURE ABOUT THE GIRLS. 293 00:12:27,300 --> 00:12:30,300 - I'M SURE THE GIRLS ARE * FINE 294 00:12:30,330 --> 00:12:32,500 DOESN'T EVEN BEGIN TO COVER IT. 295 00:12:32,540 --> 00:12:35,040 YOU ARE GOING TO ENCHANT AN ENTIRE GENERATION 296 00:12:35,070 --> 00:12:37,310 OF TEENAGE BOYS WITH THOSE POUND PUPPIES. 297 00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:40,280 - THAT'S, LIKE, THE PERFECT REACTION--THANK YOU. 298 00:12:40,310 --> 00:12:43,250 - AND NAB YOURSELF A MR. SKIN AWARD IN THE BARGAIN. 299 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:46,150 - THANK YOU. - YOU'RE WELCOME. THANK YOU. 300 00:12:46,180 --> 00:12:48,050 - NO, I MEAN... 301 00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:49,990 THANK YOU, HANK... 302 00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:54,190 FOR EVERYTHING. - YOU'RE VERY WELCOME. 303 00:12:54,220 --> 00:12:57,460 MMM. THANK YOU. - YOU'RE VERY WELCOME. 304 00:12:57,490 --> 00:13:00,000 - GOSH, WE HAVE SOME EXCELLENT MANNERS. 305 00:13:00,030 --> 00:13:02,930 THIS IS LIKE SOME SERIOUS MERCHANT IVORY SHIT HERE. 306 00:13:02,970 --> 00:13:04,330 - I GUESS I'M JUST A FIRM BELIEVER 307 00:13:04,370 --> 00:13:05,940 IN REPAYING FAVORS. [zipper sound] 308 00:13:05,970 --> 00:13:07,570 - OH. 309 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,840 HEY, DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT THE POLISH ACTRESS 310 00:13:09,870 --> 00:13:12,580 THAT CAME TO HOLLYWOOD AND BLEW THE WRITER? 311 00:13:12,610 --> 00:13:14,610 JUST KIDDING. KEEP GOING. 312 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:16,210 [door opens] 313 00:13:16,250 --> 00:13:18,480 - HEY, WHERE ARE THE FUCKING PAGES? 314 00:13:18,510 --> 00:13:22,190 HOLY FUCKING SHIT! - OH, MY WORD. 315 00:13:22,220 --> 00:13:24,390 - WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, MOODY? 316 00:13:24,420 --> 00:13:26,460 - DON'T SHOOT ME. I'M ONLY THE PIANO PLAYER. 317 00:13:26,490 --> 00:13:29,630 - I CAST HER, YOU FUCKING PRICK. 318 00:13:29,660 --> 00:13:31,630 I'VE HAD MY EYE ON HER THIS WHOLE TIME! 319 00:13:31,660 --> 00:13:33,160 HER ASS IS MINE! 320 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:34,230 - HOW'S THAT WORKING OUT FOR YOU? 321 00:13:34,260 --> 00:13:35,600 - I WANT HIM FIRED. 322 00:13:35,630 --> 00:13:37,170 - NO, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO RUN THAT 323 00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:38,900 PAST THE SAMURAI. - I CAN'T DO THAT. 324 00:13:38,940 --> 00:13:40,500 THE GUY SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME. 325 00:13:40,540 --> 00:13:42,240 - HEY, HOW ABOUT DEFENDING ME, STU? 326 00:13:42,270 --> 00:13:43,970 - I WASN'T THE ONE WHO GOT CAUGHT 327 00:13:44,010 --> 00:13:45,470 WITH HIS PRICK IN A YOUNG LADY'S MOUTH. 328 00:13:45,510 --> 00:13:47,940 - OH, WELL, EXCUSE ME FOR ACCEPTING A BLOW JOB 329 00:13:47,980 --> 00:13:50,380 IN EXCHANGE FOR AN HONEST 15 MINUTES' WORK. 330 00:13:50,410 --> 00:13:52,350 THAT WOMAN IS A LEGITIMATE ACTRESS. 331 00:13:52,380 --> 00:13:53,950 SHE CAN BLOW WHOEVER SHE WANTS. 332 00:13:53,980 --> 00:13:55,620 - MY MOVIE IS GOING TO SHIT. 333 00:13:55,650 --> 00:13:57,990 [cries softly] - ARE YOU CRYING? 334 00:13:58,020 --> 00:13:59,320 - NO, I'M JUST-- 335 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:02,260 - THERE IS NO CRYING IN TENT-POLE FILMMAKING! 336 00:14:02,290 --> 00:14:04,530 YOU FUCKING MARY. GO GET SOME FUCKING PAMPRIN. 337 00:14:04,560 --> 00:14:06,060 GO ON! GO ON! 338 00:14:06,100 --> 00:14:07,560 [high-pitched voice] GO ON! GO ON! 339 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:09,430 [normal voice] GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, MAN! 340 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:13,140 THESE PAGES ARE REALLY GOOD, HANK. 341 00:14:13,170 --> 00:14:14,940 TOTALLY DESERVED THE B.J. 342 00:14:14,970 --> 00:14:16,440 - I KNOW, RIGHT? 343 00:14:26,180 --> 00:14:28,580 - SO DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU WANT TO DO NEXT? 344 00:14:28,620 --> 00:14:30,350 - OH, YEAH, I'VE GOT A BUNCH OF IDEAS. 345 00:14:30,390 --> 00:14:33,120 I ACTUALLY, UM, PITCHED SOME OVER TO THE W.B. GUYS, 346 00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:34,520 AND THEY PRETTY MUCH SHIT THEIR PANTS. 347 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:36,160 - YEAH, THAT'S A PROBLEM OVER THERE. 348 00:14:36,190 --> 00:14:37,960 - THEY SAID THAT THEY COULD PUT ME IN A ROOM 349 00:14:37,990 --> 00:14:41,360 WITH STUDIO HEADS, AND I COULD SELL MY IDEAS IMMEDIATELY. 350 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:43,600 - REALLY? THAT'S--THAT'S GREAT, TYLER. 351 00:14:43,630 --> 00:14:45,230 - I THINK I'LL BE FINE. 352 00:14:45,270 --> 00:14:47,700 - YEAH, YOU-- YOU'RE GOING TO DO GREAT. 353 00:14:47,740 --> 00:14:50,470 - IT WAS REALLY COOL OF HANK TO GIVE ME A LEG UP LIKE THIS. 354 00:14:50,510 --> 00:14:52,540 YOU KNOW, I'M ACTUALLY KIND OF SURPRISED 355 00:14:52,580 --> 00:14:54,180 HE'S SO AGAINST YOU REPRESENTING ME. 356 00:14:54,210 --> 00:14:56,180 - IT'S A CONFLICT. 357 00:14:56,210 --> 00:14:58,580 YOU'D BE GOING UP ON A LOT OF THE SAME JOBS. 358 00:14:58,610 --> 00:15:00,580 - NO, I GET IT. 359 00:15:00,620 --> 00:15:02,250 MAN, IT'D BE COOL IF WE COULD DO 360 00:15:02,290 --> 00:15:04,050 SOMETHING TOGETHER, THOUGH, YOU KNOW? 361 00:15:04,090 --> 00:15:05,690 - THAT WOULD BE COOL. 362 00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:08,220 THAT WOULD BE A BIG DEAL. 363 00:15:08,260 --> 00:15:11,130 - I GOT THIS ONE IDEA WHERE-- - YOU KNOW WHAT? 364 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,430 LET'S DO THIS! 365 00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:16,700 - WHAT? 366 00:15:16,730 --> 00:15:18,730 - I WANT TO DO THIS. I WANT TO WORK WITH YOU. 367 00:15:18,770 --> 00:15:20,600 YOU DON'T WORRY. I WILL SMOOTH IT OVER WITH HANK. 368 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,970 - WHAT, YOU WANT TO SIGN ME NOW? - YES. YES, I DO. 369 00:15:23,010 --> 00:15:25,540 I'M GOING WITH MY GUT ON THIS ONE. 370 00:15:25,570 --> 00:15:27,010 - I DON'T KNOW. 371 00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:28,610 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW? 372 00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:30,150 WHAT HAPPENED TO THE "WORKING WITH HANK MOODY'S AGENT, 373 00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:32,080 THAT WOULD BE, LIKE, THE COOLEST THING"? 374 00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:34,020 - WELL, I DON'T KNOW--I MEAN, I'VE GOT ALL THESE AGENTS 375 00:15:34,050 --> 00:15:36,190 WHO ARE GENUINELY EXCITED ABOUT BEING IN BUSINESS WITH ME. 376 00:15:36,220 --> 00:15:38,450 I WOULDN'T WANT TO BE, YOU KNOW, TWISTING YOUR ARM OR ANYTHING. 377 00:15:38,490 --> 00:15:40,590 - YOU'RE NOT TWISTING MY ARM, NOT AT ALL. 378 00:15:40,620 --> 00:15:44,460 KID, I WANT TO WORK WITH YOU. LET'S DO THIS! 379 00:15:44,490 --> 00:15:46,230 - SOMETHING FEELS WEIRD. 380 00:15:46,260 --> 00:15:47,530 - YOU WANT ME TO SET YOU UP WITH A WHORE? 381 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:49,270 I CAN DO THAT-- DONE! 382 00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:51,770 - NO, I DON'T WANT YOU TO SET ME UP WITH A WHORE. 383 00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:53,600 I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND. 384 00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:55,770 BECCA? - BECCA. 385 00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:58,240 - THE DAUGHTER OF YOUR BEST FRIEND AND STAR CLIENT. 386 00:15:58,270 --> 00:16:00,440 - RIGHT. GREAT GIRL. 387 00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:02,710 - YOU'RE WEIRD, DUDE. 388 00:16:02,750 --> 00:16:04,610 - YES. YES, I AM. 389 00:16:04,650 --> 00:16:08,120 I'M ALSO A FUCKING SHARK, AND I WILL SLAY DRAGONS FOR YOU. 390 00:16:10,490 --> 00:16:12,160 - WELL... 391 00:16:12,190 --> 00:16:14,790 THOSE ARE ALL VERY GENERICALLY PASSIONATE WORDS. 392 00:16:14,820 --> 00:16:16,730 BUT... 393 00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:19,130 I THINK I NEED TO SEE SOME OF THIS PASSION IN ACTION. 394 00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:22,770 - ANYTHING. YOU NAME IT, I WILL DO IT. 395 00:16:25,630 --> 00:16:28,440 - DO YOU SEE THAT GUY IN THERE? 396 00:16:33,780 --> 00:16:36,380 - SURE. HOW COULD I MISS HIM? 397 00:16:36,410 --> 00:16:37,510 - GO UP TO HIM 398 00:16:37,550 --> 00:16:40,280 AND TELL HIM... 399 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:43,550 THAT YOU WANT TO SUCK HIS DICK... 400 00:16:43,590 --> 00:16:44,690 - WHAT? 401 00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:46,820 - AND FINGER HIS ASSHOLE. 402 00:16:46,860 --> 00:16:50,360 [both laughing] 403 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:55,060 - YOU'RE KIDDING ME, RIGHT? 404 00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:56,670 [laughing] 405 00:16:59,470 --> 00:17:01,140 Y-YOU'RE KIDDING. 406 00:17:05,340 --> 00:17:06,510 NO? 407 00:17:08,340 --> 00:17:09,780 - I'VE GOT THAT MEETING AT I.C.M. 408 00:17:09,810 --> 00:17:11,710 I SHOULD PROBABLY GET GOING. 409 00:17:11,750 --> 00:17:14,580 - * MY BAG AND MY BOTTLE AND MY MEDICINE, TOO * 410 00:17:14,620 --> 00:17:18,450 * DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M HEADED, WHERE I'M GOIN' TO * 411 00:17:18,490 --> 00:17:20,760 * RUN AWAY FROM YOU, OH 412 00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:24,090 * 413 00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:27,700 * RUN AWAY 414 00:17:27,730 --> 00:17:30,430 * RUN AWAY 415 00:17:30,470 --> 00:17:32,870 [rap music] 416 00:17:32,900 --> 00:17:36,470 * 417 00:17:36,510 --> 00:17:37,870 - WHAT'S UP, SAM? 418 00:17:37,910 --> 00:17:39,610 THEY'RE KIND OF WAITING FOR YOU DOWN ON SET. 419 00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:42,550 DID YOU NOT LIKE THE NEW PAGES OR SOMETHING? 420 00:17:42,580 --> 00:17:44,350 - PAGES IS GOOD. - WELL, THAT'S GREAT. GOOD. 421 00:17:44,380 --> 00:17:47,220 I AIM TO PLEASE. THAT'S AWESOME. 422 00:17:47,250 --> 00:17:50,120 - I DON'T LIKE BEING EMBARRASSED, MAN. 423 00:17:50,150 --> 00:17:52,220 - EMBARRASSED? REALLY? 424 00:17:52,260 --> 00:17:54,660 IS THIS ABOUT--OH, IS THIS ABOUT THE GIRL AND THE BLOW JOB? 425 00:17:54,690 --> 00:17:56,590 I MEAN, THAT'S JUST ONE OF THOSE CRAZY FUCKING THINGS. 426 00:17:56,630 --> 00:17:58,360 SHE LITERALLY FELL INTO MY LAP. 427 00:17:58,390 --> 00:18:00,660 YOU KNOW, I-I COULDN'T SAY NO. 428 00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:03,230 - COULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT ME AND OUR FRIENDSHIP. 429 00:18:03,270 --> 00:18:05,230 - WELL, AS SHE RELEASED MY DICK 430 00:18:05,270 --> 00:18:07,340 FROM THE CROWDED CONFINES OF MY PANTALOONS, 431 00:18:07,370 --> 00:18:09,440 THOUGHTS OF YOU WERE NOWHERE NEAR MY MIND, 432 00:18:09,470 --> 00:18:11,240 WHICH I THINK IS PROBABLY A GOOD THING. 433 00:18:13,510 --> 00:18:15,910 - DO YOU VALUE OUR FRIENDSHIP, MOODY? 434 00:18:15,940 --> 00:18:17,880 - YES, I'VE GROWN... 435 00:18:19,380 --> 00:18:21,720 QUITE FOND OF YOU, BROHEIM. 436 00:18:21,750 --> 00:18:23,650 - SAME HERE, MOTHERFUCKER. 437 00:18:23,690 --> 00:18:25,690 THAT'S WHY I'M REALLY GOING TO HATE TO DO THIS TO YOU. 438 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:27,390 [car horn honks] - COME ON, SAM. 439 00:18:27,420 --> 00:18:29,630 THIS IS A BIT OF A HIP-HOP CLICHE, ISN'T IT? 440 00:18:29,660 --> 00:18:30,930 - CLICHES ARE CLICHES FOR A REASON, MAN-- 441 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:32,760 BECAUSE THEY FUCKING WORK! 442 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:36,530 - YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THIS, NOT OVER A SILLY BLOW JOB. 443 00:18:36,570 --> 00:18:38,370 [indistinct chatter, camera shutters clicking] 444 00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:39,900 - YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T. BUT WHAT CHOICE DO I HAVE, MAN? 445 00:18:39,940 --> 00:18:41,770 YOU DISRESPECT ME IN MY FUCKING WORKPLACE? 446 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:43,810 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? DO YOU EVEN LIKE THIS GIRL? 447 00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:44,910 - I DON'T EVEN KNOW THAT BITCH'S NAME, MAN. 448 00:18:44,940 --> 00:18:46,780 THAT AIN'T THE POINT HERE. 449 00:18:46,810 --> 00:18:48,710 THE POINT IS, I'M NUMBER ONE ON THAT FUCKING CALL SHEET! 450 00:18:48,740 --> 00:18:51,680 I CAN'T HAVE THE WHOLE CAST AND CREW OF A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE 451 00:18:51,710 --> 00:18:53,520 WHISPERING HOW MY COURT JESTER 452 00:18:53,550 --> 00:18:55,420 SCREWED THE BADDEST BITCH ON THE SET! 453 00:18:55,450 --> 00:18:58,320 - IS THAT ALL I AM TO YOU-- A COURT JESTER? 454 00:18:58,350 --> 00:19:00,320 - YEAH, WHAT, NIGGA? YOU FUNNY, MAN. YOU AMUSE ME. 455 00:19:00,360 --> 00:19:01,820 YOU DON'T SEE THE VALUE IN THAT? 456 00:19:01,860 --> 00:19:04,590 YO, JESTERING IS A NOBLE PROFESSION, HANK. 457 00:19:04,630 --> 00:19:07,600 - WHATEVER. YOU GOING TO DROP ME OR WHAT? 458 00:19:07,630 --> 00:19:10,470 - YOU LEARNED YOUR LESSON, MAN? - YES! 459 00:19:10,500 --> 00:19:11,800 - HAVE YOU LEARNED YOUR FUCKING LESSON? 460 00:19:11,830 --> 00:19:13,600 [car horn honks] 461 00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:15,700 - DO NOT ACCEPT FREE BLOW JOBS ON THE SET FROM ACTRESSES 462 00:19:15,740 --> 00:19:18,310 IF YOU'RE NOT NUMBER ONE ON THE CALL SHEET--GOT IT. 463 00:19:18,340 --> 00:19:20,210 - BRING HIS ASS FUCKING UP, MAN. 464 00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:21,810 [rock music] 465 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:25,550 - * OH, MAD HOUSE 466 00:19:27,650 --> 00:19:29,180 * WHOO 467 00:19:35,390 --> 00:19:38,430 - EXCUSE ME. 468 00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:41,230 - WHAT UP? 469 00:19:41,260 --> 00:19:43,430 - WELL... 470 00:19:43,470 --> 00:19:46,640 I WOULD VERY MUCH... 471 00:19:46,670 --> 00:19:49,740 LIKE TO... 472 00:19:49,770 --> 00:19:51,010 [mumbling] SUCK YOUR DICK. 473 00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:53,610 - WHAT? WHAT DID HE SAY? 474 00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:57,380 - I-I-I'M SORRY. 475 00:19:57,410 --> 00:19:59,380 I WOULD LIKE... 476 00:19:59,420 --> 00:20:02,590 TO SUCK YOUR DICK. 477 00:20:03,890 --> 00:20:04,850 - WHAT THE FUCK? 478 00:20:04,890 --> 00:20:07,260 - AND FINGER YOUR ASSHOLE. 479 00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:09,760 - LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. 480 00:20:09,790 --> 00:20:12,530 YOU WOULD LIKE TO SUCK MY DICK? 481 00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:14,630 - AND FINGER YOUR ASSHOLE. 482 00:20:14,660 --> 00:20:16,530 - AND FINGER MY ASSHOLE? 483 00:20:16,570 --> 00:20:18,730 - YES! 484 00:20:23,410 --> 00:20:24,540 - ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME? 485 00:20:24,570 --> 00:20:26,810 - YES! YES! 486 00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:28,640 I'M SORRY. IT WAS A DARE. 487 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:31,510 NO DISRESPECT INTENDED, NONE WHATSOEVER. 488 00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:35,650 IT WAS A DARE! 489 00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:39,520 I SWEAR! IT WAS A DARE! 490 00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:41,360 BE GENTLE? 491 00:20:47,730 --> 00:20:50,700 - YOU OKAY? - I SUPPOSE SO. 492 00:20:50,730 --> 00:20:52,800 THE HEART PALPITATIONS ARE SUBSIDING. 493 00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:55,070 I THINK I MAY NEED TO WIPE MYSELF, THOUGH. 494 00:20:55,100 --> 00:20:57,840 - LOOK, MAN, I'M REALLY SORRY, YO. 495 00:20:57,870 --> 00:21:00,480 IT AIN'T EASY BEING THE STAR OF THIS FUCKING JOINT, MAN. 496 00:21:00,510 --> 00:21:01,810 I'M UNDER A LOT OF PRESSURE. 497 00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:03,810 A LOT OF PEOPLE LOOKING UP TO ME FOR AN EXAMPLE. 498 00:21:03,850 --> 00:21:05,410 I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THAT BITCH, 499 00:21:05,450 --> 00:21:06,950 BUT I DO CARE ABOUT MY CREDIBILITY 500 00:21:06,980 --> 00:21:08,450 AS A MAJOR MOVIE STAR. 501 00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:10,090 I GOT TO SAVE FACE. 502 00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:13,320 - I'M SORRY IF I DID ANYTHING TO ENDANGER YOUR FACE. 503 00:21:13,360 --> 00:21:16,330 YOU KNOW, PETE BERG DROPPED OFF OF THIS JOINT BECAUSE OF YOU 504 00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:17,890 AND YOUR FUCKING SHENANIGANS. 505 00:21:17,930 --> 00:21:19,830 WHAT DID I DO? NOTHING. 506 00:21:19,860 --> 00:21:22,060 TOOK IT LIKE A MAN, BECAUSE YOU MY BOY, MOODY. 507 00:21:22,100 --> 00:21:24,670 - I LIKE BEING YOUR BOY. ARE WE GOOD? 508 00:21:24,700 --> 00:21:26,440 - YEAH, WE GOOD, MAN. 509 00:21:26,470 --> 00:21:28,570 BUT, YO, IF THAT HAD BEEN KALI, 510 00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:30,970 YOUR FUCKING ASS WOULD BE A FUCKING STAIN ON OCEAN AVENUE 511 00:21:31,010 --> 00:21:32,810 RIGHT NOW. - OF COURSE. 512 00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:35,510 - THAT'S ANOTHER THING, MAN-- THE KALI OF IT ALL. 513 00:21:35,540 --> 00:21:37,550 THIS BITCH'S GOT MY HEART PING-PONGING BACK AND FORTH, 514 00:21:37,580 --> 00:21:38,850 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? - YEAH. 515 00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:40,480 - HOW MUCH TURMOIL CAN A BROTHER TAKE? 516 00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:42,450 - COPY THAT. YEAH. YEAH. 517 00:21:44,020 --> 00:21:45,820 - [sighs] 518 00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:50,060 - [groans] 519 00:21:50,090 --> 00:21:52,060 - WHERE YOU WANT IT AT? 520 00:21:52,090 --> 00:21:53,400 - WHAT? 521 00:21:53,430 --> 00:21:55,030 - I GOT TO HIT YOU, MAN. - WHY? 522 00:21:55,060 --> 00:21:56,730 - FUCKING CONSEQUENCES, YO. 523 00:21:56,770 --> 00:21:57,830 - WHOA, WHOA, WHAT ABOUT DANGLING ME OVER THE BALCONY? 524 00:21:57,870 --> 00:21:59,030 THAT FELT CONSEQUENTIAL TO ME. 525 00:21:59,070 --> 00:22:00,470 - THAT WAS JUST TO SCARE YOU, SON. 526 00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:01,900 - YEAH, WELL, IT DID SCARE ME--IT DID. 527 00:22:01,940 --> 00:22:03,640 - NORMALLY, I WOULD PISTOL-WHIP A MOTHERFUCKER 528 00:22:03,670 --> 00:22:05,540 FOR THIS KIND OF SHIT. - NO, NO, NO. THAT SOUNDS-- 529 00:22:05,570 --> 00:22:06,580 - YEAH, THAT'D BE TOO HARSH, RIGHT? 530 00:22:06,610 --> 00:22:08,110 - YEAH, THAT SOUNDS TOO HARSH. 531 00:22:08,140 --> 00:22:09,510 - STOP FUCKING WHINING AND TAKE YOUR MEDICINE, MOODY. 532 00:22:09,550 --> 00:22:10,610 - [groans] 533 00:22:10,650 --> 00:22:11,850 OOH! 534 00:22:17,590 --> 00:22:19,590 - HEY, YOU DON'T LOOK TOO BAD. 535 00:22:19,620 --> 00:22:23,090 I THOUGHT YOU'D WALK BACK IN HERE ALL BRUISED UP AND SHIT. 536 00:22:23,130 --> 00:22:25,560 - THE ONLY VIOLENCE WAS EMOTIONAL. 537 00:22:25,590 --> 00:22:28,100 - WHAT DID THEY DO? 538 00:22:28,130 --> 00:22:29,570 - AHH. 539 00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:33,570 OH, THEY TOOK ME OUT BACK... 540 00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:36,100 PUT ME DOWN ON MY KNEES. 541 00:22:36,140 --> 00:22:39,980 THE BIG GUY TOOK DOWN HIS PANTS. 542 00:22:40,010 --> 00:22:41,410 HE TOOK OUT HIS DICK. 543 00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:44,580 IT WAS VERY BIG, TYLER. 544 00:22:44,610 --> 00:22:46,180 HE COULD HAVE TIED IT INTO A PRETZEL. 545 00:22:46,210 --> 00:22:48,650 - [laughs] 546 00:22:50,490 --> 00:22:52,490 AND? 547 00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:57,060 - HE SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE WITH IT. 548 00:22:57,090 --> 00:22:58,860 - HE SLAPPED YOU IN THE FACE WITH HIS DICK? 549 00:22:58,890 --> 00:23:00,930 - SHH! 550 00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:03,800 YES, MULTIPLE TIMES. 551 00:23:03,830 --> 00:23:05,830 I THINK HE LEFT A TRAIL OF DOGWATER. 552 00:23:05,870 --> 00:23:08,170 - [exhales sharply] 553 00:23:12,070 --> 00:23:14,210 WOW. 554 00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:17,810 JESUS, UM... 555 00:23:17,850 --> 00:23:19,980 YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK I CAN BE REPRESENTED BY A GUY 556 00:23:20,020 --> 00:23:22,490 WHO WOULD ALLOW HIMSELF TO BE HUMILIATED LIKE THAT. 557 00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:23,950 - WHAT? 558 00:23:23,990 --> 00:23:25,820 - I'M GOING TO TAKE THAT MEETING AT I.C.M. 559 00:23:25,850 --> 00:23:28,460 I'LL LET YOU KNOW WHAT I DECIDE. - OH, NO, YOU DON'T! 560 00:23:28,490 --> 00:23:29,830 YOU'RE SIGNING WITH ME, 561 00:23:29,860 --> 00:23:31,660 AND YOU'RE SIGNING WITH ME RIGHT NOW! 562 00:23:31,690 --> 00:23:33,930 I JUST WENT THROUGH HELL AND BACK FOR YOU, YOU LITTLE SHIT! 563 00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:35,830 YOU'RE GOING TO SIGN WITH ME, 564 00:23:35,860 --> 00:23:37,570 OR I'M GOING TO HAVE MY NEW FRIENDS 565 00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:39,570 SLAP YOU IN THE FACE WITH ALL THEIR DICKS, 566 00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:41,800 YOU HEAR ME? 567 00:23:43,140 --> 00:23:46,210 - YEAH. YEAH, LET'S DO IT. 568 00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:50,010 [cell phone ringing] 569 00:23:50,050 --> 00:23:51,810 - WHAT'S UP, STU? 570 00:24:05,260 --> 00:24:07,130 - YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WENT THROUGH 571 00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:09,700 FOR THAT TWO SECONDS OF ORAL, LADY. 572 00:24:09,730 --> 00:24:11,600 - OH! OW. - SORRY. 573 00:24:11,630 --> 00:24:14,040 IT'S BETTER IF IT LOOKS LIKE YOU TOOK ADVANTAGE OF ME. 574 00:24:14,070 --> 00:24:15,700 ASSHOLE! 575 00:24:15,740 --> 00:24:18,510 - WHAT THE FUCK? 576 00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:21,610 - HANK... 577 00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:23,280 I SAY THIS WITH THE UTMOST RESPECT 578 00:24:23,310 --> 00:24:25,850 AND FONDNESS FOR YOU AS BOTH AN ARTIST AND A HUMAN BEING-- 579 00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:26,920 YOU'RE FIRED. 580 00:24:26,950 --> 00:24:28,720 - WHAT? - YOU'RE GONE. 581 00:24:28,750 --> 00:24:31,050 WE'RE BRINGING IN ANOTHER WRITER FOR THE ON-SET WORK. 582 00:24:31,090 --> 00:24:32,290 - SAM KNOW ABOUT THIS? 583 00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:34,260 - HE KNOWS IT'S THE BEST THING. 584 00:24:34,290 --> 00:24:36,630 THERE'S ALWAYS THE NEXT ONE, BUDDY. 585 00:24:36,660 --> 00:24:38,190 I'LL BE IN TOUCH. 586 00:24:42,030 --> 00:24:43,300 - WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE? 587 00:24:43,330 --> 00:24:44,900 - CHARLIE SENT ME TO MEET WITH STU. 588 00:24:44,930 --> 00:24:47,300 - CHARLIE DID? - YEAH, I JUST SIGNED WITH HIM. 589 00:24:47,340 --> 00:24:48,940 - YOU JUST SIGNED WITH CHARLIE? 590 00:24:48,970 --> 00:24:51,040 - YEAH. KIND OF A DREAM COME TRUE, ACTUALLY-- 591 00:24:51,070 --> 00:24:52,910 TO BE REPPED BY HANK MOODY'S AGENT. 592 00:24:52,940 --> 00:24:55,880 PRETTY FUCKING COOL... 593 00:24:55,910 --> 00:24:57,550 FOR ME. 594 00:24:57,580 --> 00:24:59,310 ANYWAY, IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S ALREADY PAYING OFF. 595 00:24:59,350 --> 00:25:02,020 THIS MIGHT BE MY FIRST GIG. 596 00:25:02,050 --> 00:25:03,750 - HAVE FUN. 597 00:25:03,790 --> 00:25:06,290 - THIS ISN'T GOING TO BE WEIRD FOR US, IS IT? 598 00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:08,920 - NO MORE THAN USUAL. 599 00:25:11,090 --> 00:25:12,830 [sighs] 600 00:25:12,860 --> 00:25:15,800 - SORRY, HANK. - FUCK YOU, CHARLIE. 601 00:25:15,830 --> 00:25:18,130 - YOU WANT TO GO GET A DRINK? - I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY TO YOU. 602 00:25:18,170 --> 00:25:20,340 - YOU CAN HIT ME IF YOU WANT. - I DON'T WANT TO HIT YOU. 603 00:25:20,370 --> 00:25:22,070 I DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU, ALL RIGHT? 604 00:25:22,100 --> 00:25:23,870 - COME ON, BUDDY, DON'T BE THAT WAY. 605 00:25:23,910 --> 00:25:26,940 - I AM NOT YOUR BUDDY, AND YOU'RE FUCKING FIRED... 606 00:25:26,980 --> 00:25:29,210 AS AN AGENT AND A FRIEND. 607 00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:31,950 [INXS's Don't Change] 608 00:25:31,980 --> 00:25:33,920 - * I'M STANDING HERE 609 00:25:33,950 --> 00:25:36,280 * ON THE GROUND 610 00:25:39,250 --> 00:25:40,960 - ON THE HOUSE, POPS. 611 00:25:40,990 --> 00:25:42,730 - REALLY? RIGHT ON. 612 00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:45,360 IT HELPS TO HAVE DAUGHTERS IN LOW PLACES. 613 00:25:45,390 --> 00:25:48,360 - THAT'S FOR CHANGING MY BOYFRIEND'S LIFE. 614 00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:50,670 - I DIDN'T REALLY DO ANYTHING. 615 00:25:50,700 --> 00:25:53,600 - HE JUST TEXTED ME AND SAID YOU HELPED HIM GET A JOB. 616 00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:56,200 - HUH. WELL, I GUESS I DID. 617 00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:58,240 - THANK YOU, DAD. 618 00:25:58,270 --> 00:25:59,370 I LOVE YOU. 619 00:25:59,410 --> 00:26:01,840 - OH, NOW YOU LOVE ME. 620 00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:03,380 - I ALWAYS LOVE YOU... 621 00:26:03,410 --> 00:26:06,780 EVEN WHEN I'M THOROUGHLY DISGUSTED WITH YOU. 622 00:26:06,820 --> 00:26:08,620 - YOU REALLY LIKE THIS GUY, HUH? 623 00:26:08,650 --> 00:26:09,890 - I DO. 624 00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:12,090 NOT TO BE MELODRAMATIC OR ANYTHING, 625 00:26:12,120 --> 00:26:14,960 BUT HE'S THE FIRST REAL LOVE OF MY LIFE. 626 00:26:14,990 --> 00:26:16,730 IT IS WHAT IT IS. 627 00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:18,730 - WELL, THE GOOD NEWS IS 628 00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:22,100 I THINK HE FEELS EXACTLY THE SAME WAY ABOUT YOU. 629 00:26:22,130 --> 00:26:24,730 HOW COULD HE NOT? YOU ARE PRETTY STELLAR. 630 00:26:24,770 --> 00:26:26,130 - SO WHAT'S THE BAD NEWS? 631 00:26:26,170 --> 00:26:28,400 - THERE IS NONE. 632 00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:29,940 JUST BE CAREFUL. 633 00:26:29,970 --> 00:26:31,270 YOUNG WRITERS ON THE RISE 634 00:26:31,310 --> 00:26:34,010 HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO MAKE CERTAIN MISTAKES. 635 00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:35,310 - SUCH AS? 636 00:26:35,340 --> 00:26:38,010 - SUCH AS STICKING THEIR DICKS 637 00:26:38,050 --> 00:26:40,120 IN PLACES WHERE KIND WORDS AND FLATTERY COME FROM. 638 00:26:40,150 --> 00:26:41,780 - THAT'S DISGUSTING, DAD. - IT IS. 639 00:26:41,820 --> 00:26:42,990 I'M SORRY. I APOLOGIZE. 640 00:26:43,020 --> 00:26:44,750 IT'S JUST YOU'RE GETTING OLDER, 641 00:26:44,790 --> 00:26:47,020 AND THE ADVICE-GIVING GETS MORE AND MORE CONFUSING FOR ME. 642 00:26:47,060 --> 00:26:52,390 OH, IF IT ISN'T MY FAVORITE FRIEND OF A FRIEND OF BILL W. 643 00:26:52,430 --> 00:26:55,300 - THAT'S NOT FUNNY. - IT'S A LITTLE FUNNY, MOM. 644 00:26:55,330 --> 00:26:58,230 - YOU SEE? THE LITTLE BARISTA SAYS IT'S FUNNY. 645 00:26:58,270 --> 00:27:00,900 IT MUST BE SO. SHE'S PLEASED WITH ME TODAY, 646 00:27:00,940 --> 00:27:03,110 SEEING AS I CHANGED HER BOYFRIEND'S LIFE AND ALL. 647 00:27:03,140 --> 00:27:07,040 - I KNOW. THAT WAS INCREDIBLY SWEET OF YOU. 648 00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:09,110 - JEEZ. 649 00:27:09,140 --> 00:27:10,750 IF I'D KNOWN IT WAS THIS EASY 650 00:27:10,780 --> 00:27:12,180 TO GET BACK IN YOUR GOOD GRACES, 651 00:27:12,210 --> 00:27:14,920 I WOULD HAVE BLOWN TYLER A LONG TIME AGO, 652 00:27:14,950 --> 00:27:17,120 AND WE COULD HAVE LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER. 653 00:27:17,150 --> 00:27:18,920 - SHOULD WE...? 654 00:27:18,950 --> 00:27:21,460 - WHAT... - UP TO YOU. 655 00:27:21,490 --> 00:27:23,060 - ARE YOU TWO LOVELIES UP TO? 656 00:27:23,090 --> 00:27:24,930 - I'M OFF IN A FEW MINUTES. 657 00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,160 WE WERE GOING TO GO TO THE MOVIES. 658 00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:28,930 DO YOU WANT TO COME? 659 00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:31,230 - AH, TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I'M NOT REALLY ENAMORED 660 00:27:31,270 --> 00:27:33,740 OF THE FUCKING MOVING PICTURES RIGHT NOW. 661 00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:39,810 BUT OF COURSE. 662 00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:42,010 BY ALL MEANS, LET'S... 663 00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:44,010 LET'S GO TO THE MOVIES. 664 00:27:44,050 --> 00:27:48,080 Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com 665 00:27:48,120 --> 00:27:51,290 - * DON'T CHANGE FOR YOU 666 00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:54,090 * DON'T CHANGE A THING 667 00:27:54,120 --> 00:27:57,090 * FOR ME 668 00:27:57,130 --> 00:28:00,430 * DON'T CHANGE FOR YOU 669 00:28:00,460 --> 00:28:04,330 * DON'T CHANGE A THING FOR ME * 670 00:28:12,270 --> 00:28:15,140 * DON'T 671 00:28:15,180 --> 00:28:21,050 * CHANGE 672 00:28:24,190 --> 00:28:27,120 * DON'T 673 00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:32,800 * CHANGE